CONTRIBUTOR MALCOLM HUNTER
Developing the process:
It was a journey of discovery with the Lord directing my steps, including the following:
The counsel of various older men.
One-on-one with a friend who was a Biblical Counselor who poured out his life into me.
A friend in Navigators whom I helped by agreeing to be in his mentoring program.
A Timothies group of about eight men, which also included learning inductive Bible Study.
Being discipled by Small Group leaders.
Eventually, I became a daily reader, hearer and doer of the Word, which was the best way to be informed about the process of establishing boundaries.
Reading the Proverb that matches the day’s date is a treasure of wisdom for establishing boundaries (Proverbs 1 for January 1; Proverbs 2 for January 2, etc.) plus one chapter of the Bible in order until the end and then start over each time.
There are three primary areas in which establishing boundaries is important:
1. Marriage:
Deuteronomy 24:5 — When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife[a] whom he has taken.
Ephesians 5:25 — "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Ephesians 5:28: "Husbands ought to love their wives as their own
bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."
Ephesians 4:26 — Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity to the
2. Family:
Proverbs 22:6 — Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old, he will not
depart from it.
Deuteronomy 6:7 — You shall teach them [God's words] diligently to your children and
shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when
you lie down, and when you rise.
Matthew 5:37 — Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No;’ anything more than this comes
from evil.
Work/Workplace relationships (opposite sex):
Matthew 6:31–34 — So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
1 Corinthians 10:31 — So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
Colossians 3:23–24 — Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for
men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You
are serving the Lord Christ.
Proverbs 4:23 — Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.
Verses by which to form a strategy for effectively establishing effective boundaries:
Proverbs 3:5–6 — Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.\
Romans 12:2 — Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
James 1:5 — If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
Summary of takeaways and context:
The first Adam's inability to respect the first boundary, not to eat the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, is why sin entered the world and the world was plunged into darkness when sin separated us from God.
This is why God the Father provided Jesus as the Way back to the Truth and the Life (John 14:6). Even though we are saved when we believe that He ransomed His Life in order to save ours, we need boundaries because of sin.
So, God sent the Holy Spirit as our Helper to empower us to live the way we were intended along that path of Life.
God also provided the Word to guide us. Psalm 119:105 - His Word which is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path to the Lord.
Another metaphor is in 1 Corinthians 13:12, which says, "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall fully, even as I have been fully known."
ABOUT MALCOLM HUNTER:
I am Malcolm Hunter, husband and father, who is most recently a retired elder from a church in the San Francisco East Bay Area and a full-time musician. My day job/career of 39 years, from which I retired in February 2023, was in the Financial Services and Technology. I grew up in South Carolina during the Jim Crow era. My parents helped integrate schools in our city by sending me and my youngest of three sisters to the “White” elementary school in our neighborhood. Eventually, my family moved to Indiana, where I graduated high school.
I earned a B.A. in French on a football scholarship at Northwestern University and an M.B.A. in Marketing at New York University, where I was a foreign exchange student in France. My wife homeschooled our now two adult sons, one of whom is married, and gave us our only grandchild, a granddaughter.
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